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Hello. My name is Lyneè, and I am a Puppy Love addict. I am a hopeless romantic. I am in love with Love. I am addicted to the butterflies and excitement of brand new relationships. I am emotional, I am sentimental… I am a Lover.
But a long time ago I taught myself how to be rational. I taught myself how to separate my emotions from what was logical. I learned how to be self-reflective and introspective. I learned how to distinguish between the wants of my heart, and the needs of my spirit. I learned that all emotions, no matter how powerful, are transitory. Happiness, sadness, excitement, anger, fear, in all degrees and variations, are only temporary.
The most common conversations I have with both men and women are about their frustrations over series of failed relationships. For many of my girl and guy friends over the course of many years, I have been one of the firsts to know when they become really excited over the prospect of a new relationship. And while I am always keeping my fingers crossed for them, I know that within three to six months I will receive word that their relationship has fallen apart.
As your best girlfriend, I want you to be happy. I want the best for you. I want you to be successful in love. And as a puppy love addict who is so very far beyond the puppy love phase, and working diligently towards having a long-lasting, loving and successful marriage, I feel obligated to give you some advice.
If you make a connection with someone who gives you an overwhelming feeling of happiness, you will more than likely equate that with being in love. But what you are feeling is not really love. It is joy, excitement and anticipation over something brand new. You are in the Puppy Love phase. And within three to six months, once the overwhelming feeling of happiness starts to fade, once the blinders of love start to fall off, you will become exposed to who your partner really is. And most times, you will not like what you see. Or as one of my commenters, so eloquently stated, “They were putting their best foot forward and now their other leg has caught up.”
Why You Cannot Move Passed the Puppy Love Phase
Do you develop strong physical and emotional attachments to people at the beginning of a new relationship, and then find them completely boring or irritating within a few months?
Do you push friends, family, and your favorite hobbies completely to the back burner when you start a new relationship?
Do you reflect on previous relationships and more often than not ask yourself, “what the BLEEP was I thinking?”
As soon as you end one relationship, do you find yourself in a brand new one shortly afterwards?
If you answered yes to more than one of these questions, please join me over here on the heart-shaped couch. Because you, my friend, are a Puppy Love addict. The most common thing we addicts do is create a mental checklist of superficial qualities we think we want in a partner. And as soon as we find the person that fits this criteria, we become excited over the potential this person has to meet all of our physical and emotional needs.
And then if this person happens to make us feel overwhelmingly happy, that is when we become blinded to the traits and qualities that truly formulate who this person really is. Our eyes and our hearts zero in on one thing, and one thing only: the way they make us feel.
Remember what I said about happiness? It is an emotion. Remember what I said about emotions? They are temporary. So when the overwhelming sensation of happiness goes away, and this person is no longer capable of making us feel the same anymore, that is when we start to get our vision back. That is when we start rubbing our eyes, squinting, and peering at the person that stands before us. That is when we can finally see who they are, and we are in disbelief that we ever fell for them in the first place.
You thought you knew who they were, but if you can be honest in your self-reflection, you will admit that you never really knew them at all. Why? Because it takes a whole lot longer than six months to discover what a person is truly made of. The only thing you knew was how you felt when you were with them. And if you are honest with yourself, you will admit that you were only attracted to those feelings.
How to Move Passed the Puppy Love Phase
If you are a chronic puppy love addict and truly desire to develop a real, mature relationship, there is only one thing you can do: search your soul, be introspective, and self-reflective. This requires you to tap into your own heart and be one-hundred percent honest with yourself. You have to discover the patterns that connected you to those failed relationships in the first place.
Figure out what your superficial mental checklist is for those you are attracted to. Reflect back on the initial attraction you felt to those you dated in the past, and write down what they had in common. What did they look like? How and where did you meet them? How soon did you start getting physical with them?
Reflect on the circumstances that led you to pursue a relationship with them. Were you bored and just craving companionship? Were you heart-broken from a previous relationship? Were you feeling lonely? Were you feeling pressured?
If you are completely honest with yourself in your introspection, you will see why your previous relationships were doomed from the start. And if you are honestly ready to make a change, if you are really ready for true love, you will realize that you have the power to change the outcome of your future relationships before they start.
If you are a chronic puppy love addict and truly desire to develop a real, mature relationship, then take your superficial mental checklist of requirements for a potential mate and throw them out of the window. Do not fool yourself into thinking that the relationship with a new person, who fits the exact same pattern and criteria of those from your previous relationships, will turn out differently.
And if you are really ready for a mature relationship, you will recognize when your heart starts to pitter-patter for the wrong person. You will have the ability to rationalize exactly what you are feeling, why you are feeling it, and what will happen in three to six months if you choose to pursue it.
In order to move passed the puppy love phase, devote your alone time to self-discovery. Who are you? What are you passionate about? What do you stand for? Figure out a way to be happy when you are by yourself. Because when you meet a potential mate, you will not rely on them to bring you happiness. You will not become addicted to the way they make you feel.
Instead, you will put in the time and effort to discover who they are, what they are passionate about, and what they stand for. And if you can find the commonalities in your characters, in the qualities that make both of you who you are, then use your commonalities as the building blocks for your relationship.
When you fall in love with a person’s character, when you fall in love with who they are, what they are passionate about, and what they stand for, then you have taken the most significant step towards being successful in love.
I hope this post was helpful to at least one person. And don’t forget that everything I write to you stems from a place that wants you to be happy and to find success in love.
~Love and Happiness from your Best Girlfriend~