I cannot imagine a deeper pain than investing your heart into a relationship that becomes damaged from infidelity. Sometimes the shock of the betrayal can be just as powerful as the betrayal itself. Because of the many reasons people in committed relationships cheat, I do not believe there is any fool-proof way of knowing for sure if your partner may end up cheating. I believe given the right circumstances, we are all susceptible to cheating, because like everything else in the success or failure of relationships, fidelity boils down to making choices. And we are all capable of making the wrong choice.
If your desire is to be in a healthy, long-term relationship, then save yourself time and heartache by making good choices now, starting with who you choose as a partner. And as your best girlfriend, I feel obligated to give you some advice on how to avoid relationships that could end up being destroyed by infidelity.
If they cheated with you, they’ll cheat on you.
I feel this is so obvious it should go without saying, but the biggest indicator that your partner may end up cheating is if (s)he developed a romantic relationship with you while simultaneously being committed to someone else. No matter how you try to justify it (i.e. “she wasn’t happy with him” or “he was going to leave her anyway”), there is a significant character flaw in someone who would create an emotional attachment with someone new before completely closing the chapter on a current relationship. Anyone who starts a new relationship before ending an old one is searching for something to fill a missing void. So if they can justify going behind their partner’s back to be with you, history may repeat itself once they decide you’re no longer capable of filling that void. Do not be surprised, then, if your partner chooses to be unfaithful. If there is romantic interest between you and someone in a committed relationship, pay close attention to their behavior, as you are getting a first-hand look at the future of your relationship with them. If they are quick to create a romantic situation with you before cutting ties with their current partner, then don’t be surprised if they end up doing the same behind your back.
If all they want is sex, then sex is all they’ll want.
If your partner’s favorite trait about you is your body, and their favorite pastime with you is sex, then it may be impossible for them to anchor their commitment in anything more than your body and sex. In most cases, relationships that are created via extraordinary physical connection will come to an end once the sexual high wears off. But sometimes, in the heat of the high, couples with these connections make life-altering decisions that force them to stay together (i.e. getting married and/or having children). So if you and your partner started your relationship on a sexual roller coaster, and in the height of the Puppy Love phase you made a vow to stay together, then there is a good chance your partner will cheat at some point after (s)he has fallen from the clouds. This is because when you vow to stay together, your relationship will eventually stop being about an incredible physical connection and start being about managing your individual lives as one unit… which is far less exhilarating. So once your partner begins to desperately miss that exhilaration, (s)he may look for it elsewhere.
If they can’t abstain with you, then they can’t abstain without you.
The quickest and most efficient way to find out whether or not your partner may end up cheating is to abstain. Yes, yes, I know how crazy this sounds within the context of our completely over-sexed culture. But I didn’t start this blog to give advice on your average, run of the mill relationship that is destined for epic failure like most relationships today. We’re talking about finding the person you can build a forever with. And do you know what forever is not built on? Sex.
This is why I suggest examining your partner’s verbal and behavioral response to the proposal that you delay your physical connection. It’s the quickest and most efficient way to discover whether or not (s)he is in complete control of their sexual selves. It is also the quickest way to learn what their intentions are, what they plan on contributing to your relationship, and how they will respond in the face of future temptation.
If you propose abstinence to your partner, and (s)he agrees, pay close attention to how they choose to connect with you instead. Are they counting down the minutes until you finally give it up? Are they trying to talk you into alternative sexual interaction? If so, they are probably more attracted to the game of waiting than actually being attracted to you. Once you finally give in and the game is over, don’t be surprised if they eventually lose interest and jump ship.
On the other hand, if they use this time to explore your heart, to develop a deep, emotional connection with you, to examine your character, to discover what it is about you they can potentially fall in love with, then you have found a partner with marvelous potential. The person who can remain committed to your relationship, while respecting your wishes and maintaining control of themselves, has a willpower that is stronger than their desires. Not only is this trait essential for being faithful, it is essential for creating and maintaining a loving, long-lasting relationship that can lead to a successful marriage!
When we get to the heart of the matter, the success or failure of any relationship always boils down to our choices. This is where the value of heavily weighing your decisions comes in. When it comes to finding success in love, there is no room for spontaneous, spur of the moment, “I couldn’t control myself” decisions. Because within these decisions lies the potential for pain and heartbreak. Devote yourself to making good choices, and choose a partner who is devoted to doing the same.
~Love and Happiness from your Best Girlfriend~