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I believe that loving, long-lasting, successful relationships can easily occur if both lovers commit to giving one-hundred percent of themselves to each other. To give all of yourself to your lover is to dedicate every word, thought, and action to his or her happiness. To give all of yourself is to always, without hesitation, put your lover first.
If the idea of always putting someone else before you sounds impossible, then congratulations. You have just learned the root cause of why most relationships fail. It is close to impossible for human beings to be utterly and completely selfless. For the sake of our own mental, emotional, and physical survival, sometimes we have to make selfish choices. Sometimes we have to put ourselves first.
How, then, can we possibly commit one-hundred percent of ourselves to our lovers? How is it possible for us to have successful relationships?
In one of my last posts, I explained the significance of being honest with ourselves in relation to finding success in love. If I can look in the mirror and be honest with who I am as a person, then I can dissect the roots of my wants and fulfill my own needs. When I fulfill my own needs, I make myself whole. I make myself complete.
Developing the ability to fulfill your own needs allows you to develop the ability to put your lover first. When you can look in the mirror and be happy with the person you are, then it becomes easier to devote yourself to the happiness of your lover.
When there is emptiness inside of you, when you are not whole, then your quest for love actually turns into a quest for a relationship that fills your emptiness. So when you find someone who is capable of filling your emptiness, you immediately enter the relationship with your hand out. If you are seeking fulfillment from your partner, then your thoughts, words, and actions only revolve around what your lover can do for you and how (s)he can make you feel.
When we are not whole, we are focused on finding someone to bring us happiness. We are not focused on devoting ourselves to the happiness of our partner. Therefore we are incapable of putting our lover first.
This is why I keep reiterating the importance of not spending your alone time combating loneliness. Don’t ignore your emptiness by jumping from relationship to relationship, or filling your world with distractions. This is valuable time that could be spent reflecting on who you are as a person. On learning how to meet your own needs and create your own happiness.
Alone time should be an opportunity to explore your heart and the foundation of your character. It should be a time to celebrate the things you love about yourself. To invest in your confidence and strengthen your self-worth.
And if you find things that you do not like about yourself, then set a goal for change. If you are holding on to past transgressions, let them go and move forward. The past is in the past; we cannot change the things we’ve done, or the things that were done to us. We can, however, commit to a new beginning.
Set goals for the type of person you want to be from this point forward. Map out a plan to achieve those goals and follow that plan by taking it one step at a time. One decision at a time. And no matter what, keep moving forward until you find success.
This is how you meet your needs. This is how you create your own happiness. This is how you make yourself whole. And this is how you transform yourself into the best lover you can possibly be.
Now here’s the kicker.
Accomplishing the ability to meet your own needs and create your own happiness only gives you the ability to put someone else’s happiness first. It is still very challenging to be completely and utterly selfless. We still want to hold on to things that bring us satisfaction even if they make our partners unhappy. But to truly love someone is to make the choice to sacrifice those things in exchange for a loving, long-lasting, successful relationship.
There is no point in investing all of this time and effort into having a successful relationship if we choose the wrong lover.
Turning yourself into a person who puts your lover first, who sacrifices and deposits into your relationship requires a lot of giving. It is impossible to maintain that kind of output for an extended period of time if you are not being replenished. Giving one-hundred percent of yourself to your partner is only half of what is required to create and maintain a successful relationship. Choosing a partner who also gives one-hundred percent is the other half.
I know so many people who love with every fiber of their being, who fall hard for the people they love. But they are constantly failing in love because they keep choosing takers. They have misguided standards for potential lovers, and they always end up choosing selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed partners whose only focus in a relationship is to be served happiness and fulfillment on a silver platter.
If you commit yourself to putting your lover first, then make sure you choose a partner who is committed to putting you first, too. Because if you both commit to giving each other one-hundred percent, then the relationship you build together will be sustained by an endless fountain of love and fulfillment.
If your goal is to be successful in love, then devote this time to becoming the success you want to see.
Until next time…
~Love and happiness from your Best Girlfriend~