I’m Not Getting Divorced

Shortly after Christmas I received an e-mail from my favorite fitness guru that he and his wife decided to end their marriage.

I know you’re probably wondering why he would share this info with those of us on his listserv, but I won’t try to explain right now.  Just know that he shared this with us, and it tore me apart.

I’m embarrassed to admit that the divorce of two people I don’t personally know hurt me so much.  But it’s my truth.  I was distraught.

I had been following him and his wife’s careers for a few years now.  I’ve watched them both work their butts off, gain larger followings, climb their individual ladders of success, and start making the kind of money they truly deserved.

I loved them both as experts in their fields, devoted to helping as many people as possible transform their health, fitness, and mindset.  I respected their entrepreneurship; how they balanced their business goals with their genuine love and care for their followers.

It was attending one of their webinar series that inspired me to start chasing my own goals and dreams. Seeing all their hard work finally start to pay off ignited a fire in me to stop wishing and start doing.  I looked at them and believed that it was possible to have it all – success, health, wellness, and love.

So when they announced they were splitting, I was distraught.  Not because this was just another marriage to bite the dust, but because for a split second, I thought that maybe it can’t be done.  Maybe we just can’t have it all.

Shortly before getting married years ago, I had a mini meltdown during a premarital counseling session.  My husband and I did not have the foundation needed to sustain a healthy marriage, and with both of us coming from divorced homes I just knew we were doomed.

Over the years we’ve been blessed to create the foundation necessary to build a loving and sustainable marriage.  But the divorce announcement from my favorite fitness guru brought back all the insecurities I felt at the start of my own marriage.

Marriage is SO. MUCH. WORK. And if the two people I looked to as masters of health, fitness, mindfulness, success, and balance couldn’t fight for their marriage, then how can I?

This is going to seem like an odd leap, but follow me just for a second.

Back when I started this blog in 2014 I was overweight, unhealthy, and started getting sick.  There were so many diseases that ran on both sides of my family – heart disease, diabetes, cancer… and with each new diagnosis, surgery, or death in my family, I truly believed that one day soon, one of these diseases would come for me and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Then around May, I stumbled across this fitness guru’s blog.  Through his education and programs I learned how to lose weight, keep it off, improve my quality of life, and dramatically reduce my risk of disease.

This wasn’t my first attempt at weight loss; I had lost and re-gained weight multiple times over the years.  But the difference this time was my determination to live.  I refused to accept the fact that I couldn’t avoid these diseases.  I made up in my mind that if there was any way to live a long and healthy life, I was going to figure it out.  I was going to fight for my life.

Today, I feel compelled to take the same attitude with my relationship.

Despite the death of marriages all around me, I’m choosing to stand up and fight for my marriage.  It doesn’t matter whose marriages fall apart, it doesn’t matter what the statistics are, it doesn’t matter if there are more divorces in our families than healthy marriages.  I’m not getting divorced.  If there’s any way to create a long-lasting, loving, healthy, successful marriage, I’m going to figure out how to do it.  My marriage will live.

I wrote this post to encourage you to fight.  Whether it’s for your marriage, relationship, career, family, health… declare what will be.  No matter how hopeless the situation, no matter who doubts it can be done, no matter what other people believe.  Stand up, speak life into what you want, then go fight for it.

Until next time,

Love & Happiness from Your Best Girlfriend

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2 thoughts on “I’m Not Getting Divorced

  1. I’m not breaking up. The relationship I have is the real thing and I know that it is. We’ve been together for over a year now, and I’M NOT BREAKING UP! I could let little kings bother me and dig a hole of doubt and criticism, or I could just focus on what’s really important.

    We really are in control of our lives. It’s all about personal accountability. You decide to be happy, or you decide to let little things bother you. You decide to love, or you decide to be petty. Once we realize that we’re the ones that make our decisions, it’s actually quite freeing. You control you. So just get out there and be the best you there is everyday. Put love out there, get love back. It all sounds so easy and cliche when I write it down, but then I see it happen everyday, and I remember that it’s real.

    Every negative self-thought or action has a ripple effect. You suffer, you regret, and you carry that around…just you. But it’s the opposite if you spread love. You smile and someone else smiles back. This is exponentially more important with your partner. You gotta show them you’re in it to win it.

    Thanks for this post. I’d say good luck, but it’s not about luck. So I’ll say, keep up the hard work!

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    1. My friend Randall, I’ve missed your words of wisdom! You’re so spot on. There’s a lot we can’t control, but there’s a ton we can. And if we just take ownership of what we can control, especially in relationships, then a lifetime of true love and happiness is 100% attainable. Keep fighting for your relationship, Randall, and I’ll keep fighting for mine! ❤

      Like

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